This was posted by a parent in our Facebook group, and speaks to what so many other parents and children are struggling with in the education system.
This letter needs to be read out loud in front of those decision makers who shape education.
This is so spot on.
Many thanks to the parent who wrote this and for allowing us to share this with all of you. Please share widely and feel free to send this to the Trustees in your school district.
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Another month, another email …
Dear School District Leadership,
I am writing as the parent of a child diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD, and as someone who has spent years advocating for better understanding and support for students with neurodevelopmental differences.
Throughout my son’s school career, I have repeatedly found myself educating educators about diagnoses that are both common and well-documented. While many teachers care deeply and want to help, there is too often a serious gap in training, practical knowledge, and understanding that directly affects children like my son.
I am writing now because many of these concerns, despite being raised previously, continue to reappear in ways that negatively impact his educational experience. He left elementary school believing that he was useless and stupid, and the resource staff at (school name) are aware of the importance of ensuring those harmful messages are not reinforced. For his self-confidence and self-worth, he needs educators who truly see him, understand him, and help him grow, not those who inadvertently respond to disability-related challenges in ways that feel punitive or discouraging.
Most recently, this concern was reinforced through report card comments stating that he needs to “stay on task,” alongside references to missed assignments. I ask you to consider how inappropriate and harmful this framing can be. Telling a child with AuDHD to “stay on task” is comparable to telling a child with a physical disability to “run faster.” It reduces a legitimate neurological challenge to a matter of effort, attitude, or compliance.
Students with AuDHD are not struggling because they do not care or are unwilling to try. They are often struggling because executive functioning challenges create real barriers that require informed support.
My son may be the chronological age of a Grade 8 student, but he does not consistently possess the executive functioning skills expected of a typical Grade 8 learner. Planning, organization, task initiation, time management, working memory, and sustained attention are all areas directly impacted by his diagnoses. These challenges are not excuses; they are realities that require understanding and proactive and appropriate support.
When report cards list missed assignments after the fact, but there has been little or no communication with parents during the term, students are placed in a position where success becomes significantly more difficult. If parents are not informed when assignments are missing or when concerns first arise, we are denied the opportunity to support our child at home and work collaboratively with the school to help them succeed.
While communication with my son’s resource teacher has been consistent and very much appreciated, this level of communication has not been consistently reflected across classroom educators, where a lack of timely outreach regarding missed assignments and emerging concerns continues to present a significant barrier to his ongoing success.
This same issue arose during the previous reporting period. At that time, I addressed the concern directly with the classroom teacher and resource teacher, and it was resolved within the school. However, the recurrence of the same pattern suggests this is not an isolated incident, but an ongoing concern that requires broader attention and accountability.
I believe there should be increased, structured, and timely communication between school staff and parents, not less. Families should be alerted early when a child is struggling academically, behaviourally, or organizationally, so that supports and interventions can be implemented before failure occurs. Of note, since receiving the report, I have already connected with his resource teacher to develop a shared tracking document for pending and completed assignments in an effort to help mitigate these concerns moving forward.
When report cards become places of blame rather than tools for meaningful communication, the impact on students can be significant. Comments that oversimplify these challenges can:
- Lower a child’s self-esteem
- Reinforce shame and feelings of failure
- Misrepresent disability-related needs as laziness or defiance
- Increase tension between families and schools
- Undermine trust in the education system
- Miss opportunities for early intervention and support
I am asking the district to take meaningful action by implementing mandatory professional development for all educators and staff on autism, ADHD, and other common neurodevelopmental conditions. This training should include:
- Understanding executive functioning challenges
- Trauma-informed and neurodiversity-affirming approaches
- Effective (and consistently applied) classroom accommodations and supports
- Appropriate expectations based on developmental functioning, not just chronological age
- Strength-based communication with families
- Timely parent contact regarding missing work or concerns
- Clear communication expectations once an IEP is established
- Appropriate language for report cards and student evaluations
- Reducing bias and stigma in school settings
Families should not have to carry the burden of teaching professionals how to understand students with common diagnoses. That responsibility belongs within the education system itself.
The cost of bias, lack of education, and ineffective responses is high. It is paid by children who begin to internalize beliefs they are “bad,” “lazy,” or “not good enough.” It is paid by parents forced into constant advocacy. And it is paid by schools that lose the trust of the families they serve.
Our children deserve better. They deserve educators who understand that disability-related challenges are not choices, that developmental readiness does not always match chronological age, and that consistent communication with families is essential to student success.
I respectfully request a written response outlining the actions the district will take to address these concerns and how families will be informed of progress.
Anonymous Parent
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