BCEdAccess Society

This is a blog about topics that people write large books about. Patriarchy, motherhood, disability, economy, and oppression.

All of these topics intersect when we talk about employment —specifically, when it’s mostly women giving up their jobs to fill a gap in government support. All of their stories show a pattern of a single story.

“I work in healthcare and hold a master’s degree and currently only work part-time so I can support my child, whose lack of inclusion and supports in middle school makes attending school a significant daily hurdle” – Anonymous

How is it that our education system is so poorly designed that it is driving families into poverty? With no end in sight. It is counterproductive for the education system to be designed to do that.

“As a single mother, I tried to rely on the school system, but my children were not supported in a b&m setting, which forced me to homeschool them. Between homeschooling and the constant medical and specialist appointments, there is no realistic way for me to hold down a job. I am now on income assistance and struggling to survive.” – Anonymous

“We lost a full income and had to close our business” – Anonymous

“I ended up on LTD with extreme burnout” – Anonymous

Families are reporting that they are losing needed income with devastating effects, and mothers are losing themselves. Lost in a sea of advocacy organization and tasks. 

“The isolation and loneliness is real and I eventually began to think of the fighting and advocating that I had to do to get what he needed as my job… Keeping track of meetings commitments and nagging people when they didn’t follow through became my work.” – Anonymous  

“It sucks to feel like my degree in education and my ability to be just me is gone.” – Anonymous

What our society expects from mothers, what we expect from motherhood, is fluid. It reflects culture, generational time periods, gender expectations, and economics. Let us acknowledge the unpaid labour hours and emotional labour that typically fall on mothers, which is expected and just assumed. Mothers are society’s safety net.  

The Parent v. The School District, 2024 BCHRT 113

[11]           On June 6, 2018, the Parent alleges she “resigned” from her secretary position to avoid an “emotional breakdown” related to issues with the Child at school.

[38]           The Parent states she is clearly not the only parent who needs to go on leave when their children with disabilities are not properly able to access their education and are not being supported. She submits that “the system” needs to start recognizing the toll and impacts on parents’ employment when disabled children are not getting what they need. 

This timeliness decision by the BC Human Rights Tribunal, didn’t consider this mother’s loss of employment a public interest to have the complaint proceed. “I do not find this Complaint attracts the public interest in allowing it to proceed late filed.” Mothers of disabled children, their loss of employment due to educational failure, is not of public interest!?! Are we ever in some serious trouble!

We can see from our laws and the actual rollout of government resources that we don’t prioritize children. Many gestures towards equity are performative. Equity for women is a constant fight. As we will read below from the testimonials, we really aren’t ready to accommodate everyone either. At least not through systemic design. 

“I cannot believe this is now my life, but I simply had no other option”  – Anonymous

The results are devastating to families with lifelong consequences, and it is devastating to us as a society. It is illogical to think that by oppressing one group of people, pain from that oppression is not shared. No loss. No cost. That we can compartmentalize their harm, to only them. In fact, the ripple effects are far-reaching for the whole family and our community as a whole.  

“I have lived off of my savings which are now completely gone. I have depleted the meagre investments I was hoping to continually contribute towards to eventually retire. I worry about the future, and the impact that all of this has on my children and me; it feels unbearable at times.” – Anonymous

Our education system is designed to be a preventative system, preparing people for a successful life. However, when the education system falls short, the dependency and costs that trickle down the line are incredibly expensive and impact our health system, mental health systems, government supports, housing, and our three-billion-dollar prison systems—all of them. There is no system out there that is not absorbing the failure of the education system. 

Independent School Authority v Parent, 2022 BCSC 570

[12]      The parent alleges that she has had to witness her child’s struggles as a result of the School’s conduct, including the child’s distress and anxiety on a daily basis. This was extremely difficult, exhausting and traumatic for the parent. The parent required counselling to address her trauma, and has been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome as a result of the stress. In addition, the parent alleges that she had to take a leave from work to assist with the child, and has suffered various financial impacts.

I feel ridiculous writing this. I certainly wouldn’t feel compelled to write this if I were writing about fathers, yet I feel the need to remind people reading this that mothers are people too. Whole and complete people with their own dreams, creativity, goals, gifts, and vision for life. Yet mothers are often the ones who are more likely to be forced to give up their employment. And when fathers do it, as a society, we are impressed.

“With my resignation, I not only lost my seniority, making the job more difficult to one day return to, I also lost any resemblance of a personal identity outside of being the parent of a high needs child.” – Anonymous

Here are the 20 testimonials we received from our Facebook members. 90% of them are from mothers. I didn’t ask for only mothers to respond. What are we expecting from mothers when the education system doesn’t provide support for all children? Not providing school employees with the time, resources, training and education to do their jobs is a decision. 

We can and need to re-examine what community means. What society means. We lose when we decide that it’s acceptable to push some people into the shadows. So, we don’t see. 

This is shine-the-light-time. 

Here is the mic. 

Thank you to everyone who offered a testimonial for this blog. We appreciate and acknowledge your emotional labour and continued advocacy. Again.

************

“I can’t get/keep a job, for the first 2 years of my son being in school they asked me to keep him home because of staff shortages. In all five years of him being in brick and mortar school his schedule was always 9-11:30. With no path to adding more time. It sucks to feel like my degree in education and my ability to be just me is gone.” – Anonymous

“I often look at academic postings I could/should hold and think “how nice that would be to be doing even a little bit of that”. For mothers, it isn’t just about stepping in to raise children for a bit but it is fully giving up their careers and the trajectory it would have taken, the loss of wages, promotions, the years of work needed to get to the next career step, the networking, adding expertise/experience and workshops/training that happens along the way, and wage level. All that disappears. The intersection of sexism, ableism and anti-motherhood in our society creates a very complex web of oppression for us to constantly navigate.  I often feel like I am hanging by a very thin rope over a blazing fire, holding my children above me so they don’t fall in, and knowing all to well that if I fall in, they are doomed.” – Anonymous

“I work in healthcare and hold a master’s degree and currently only work part-time so I can support my child, whose lack of inclusion and supports in middle school makes attending school a significant daily hurdle. Despite reducing my hours, I am frequently pulled away from work to manage school-related crises and attendance issues. I am now considering transitioning to casual, not by choice, but because the current system leaves me no other way to support my child and protect mine and my family’s mental health. If appropriate supports were reliably in place at school, I could work more consistently and contribute more fully to an already strained healthcare system. I am burned out from both ends, with some days having nothing left to give at home or at work. When forced to choose, work has to give because my child and family cannot. This is a systemic failure impacting other systems” – Anonymous

“I stayed home after the birth of my twins, and when they were diagnosed at 4, it became impossible for me to return to work. Their diagnosis changed the course of my life and ultimately broke my marriage. As a single mother, I tried to rely on the school system, but my children were not supported in a b&m setting, which forced me to homeschool them. Between homeschooling and the constant medical and specialist appointments, there is no realistic way for me to hold down a job. I am now on income assistance and struggling to survive.” – Anonymous

“I have two children who have been pushed out of school because of their chronic health issues. We make do with online school and one part-time income. I never aspired to homeschooling but was forced into the role because regular school excluded my kids by not providing the support they needed. To add icing, I work in the school system promoting inclusion of other people’s children. It’s causing a bit of an existential crisis.” – Anonymous

“I was working full time as a diplomat with UNICEF until the birth of my twins: I have 3 Autistic kiddos, 17 months apart. I ended up giving up my dream career due to my partners mental health (among some other things), and tried to relocate to a small town to work as we couldn’t get daycare in the lower mainland. I then quit my new job because my kids were so dysregulated, and always sick (ages 0-2). By the time my eldest started preschool, it was clear it wasn’t going to work. I’ve now been a full time PhD student to make it work, while my 3 kids (now aged 5, 5 and 7) are all homeschooled. I am a single parent and Autistic myself. It is HARD GOING. I have the option (I suppose) to get a full time job that pays $100k plus, but still can’t support the 6 people in my house on this salary, plus then I have no where for my kids to go, as b&m isn’t an option. So I’m looking at a move out of province, for a job in a school where I can be with them, and I will earn $1900 a month, but at least I can co-regulate and support them in a rural setting. I cannot believe this is now my life, but I simply had no other option, I just can’t make it work with their unique needs, and the local school was not willing to support.” – Anonymous

“We lost a full income and had to close our business. My spouse and I have no family in the country/province. Income of >75k loss per year, I also had to take a demotion at work. The impact is not just immediate but will be for years to come. Less savings, no retirement fund, huge gap in employment for my spouse. The school day is short enough that most employers wont work around it nvm the constant calls or exclusion from field trips etc. We are genuinely contemplating relocating to the UK where we will have support and specialized schooling.” – Anonymous

“When my youngest was a toddler I gave up a senior administrative position in a school district. We were fortunate we could get by on one salary, but I loved my work and missed the challenge it offered. But my toddler didn’t get diagnosed until he was in his late teens and the time and effort it took to get him to medical appointments and follow through on all the therapy recommendations left not enough time for my elder child and there was just no option for me to work. As I said, I was devastated and at times resentful, but traveling from a suburb to children’s hospital, and travelling to therapy appointments was not something I could delegate. The isolation and loneliness is real and I eventually began to think of the fighting and advocating that I had to do to get what he needed as my job… Keeping track of meetings commitments and nagging people when they didn’t follow through became my work.” – Anonymous

So I work for the district my son attends. 2 years ago I got called into hr about the number of emergency days I was taking. I explained that I was taking them as the school was struggling to support my son and kept calling me to pick him up and if they’d like to improve his supports so he isn’t being sent home I’d be more than happy to stay at work. Can’t lie. I really enjoyed that. That said I can’t work full time as we can’t find childcare and I can’t take on roles I’d like but we’re better off than most as I have union protection. – Anonymous

“I have an MFA in Writing and years of experience in Arts Administration. In theory, I should be able to write/edit/organize in addition to managing my AuDHD PDAers’ home-based education, but that’s a big stretch for me these days. I am fortunate to have various sources of support and access to alternatives, because public school proved inaccessible for my kids despite a concerted effort made toward effective advocacy on my part.” – Anonymous

“My daughter and her husband each work part time so they can be there for my granddaughter and still earn a wage between them. As I’ve posted elsewhere she’s currently at school an hour a day or less.” – Anonymous

“For the past year my child has been on a reduced schedule, only allowed to attend school between 30, and the newly increased 90 mins a day. I often get calls to pick up early.” “The allocated time at school is mid morning, because the schedule includes outdoor recess. It is impossible to work around this schedule, especially with the constant calls. If I could somehow work, will never make enough to cover childcare expenses of having a nanny and have anything left to take home. I am a single parent, with no involvement from a co-parent. I had to take a personal leave from my position last year when this first started. There haven’t been substantial increases in the amount of time my child is allowed to attend school, I was just recently forced to resign from my position as my leave could not be extended beyond a year.” With my resignation, I not only lost my seniority, making the job more difficult to one day return to, I also lost any resemblance of a personal identity outside of being the parent of a high needs child. The school teams continue to tell me that they are hopeful for building up my child’s time, and yet the goals that my child must meet, and their system for measuring success, seem to be shrouded in secrecy. My direct questions are met with indirect answers, filled with buzzwords and metaphors. While the school teams remain ‘hopeful,’ I truly think I have lost my capacity for optimism. I can’t continue to be set up and dropped, forced to grieve the same losses over and over.I have lived off of my savings which are now completely gone. I have depleted the meagre investments I was hoping to continually contribute towards to eventually retire. I worry about the future, and the impact that all of this has on my children and me; it feels unbearable at times.” – Anonymous

“I am a professional engineer. Through the course of my child’s education journey I have nearly quit my job/career on three occasions due to lack of support for my child in the school system. Twice, I took full year-long leave of absences. Once, due to the COVID pandemic my job structure changed and the new pandemic-forced hybrid work model strangely allowed me to maintain my career (e.g. work from home while still being available and on-call close to the school). It should not have taken a global pandemic for me to be able to work. So many jobs are not as flexible as mine, and the impact the lack of support in the school system has on the availability of so many female workers in our Province is significant and needs to be addressed.” Anonymous

“After having to leave my job to support my kid’s, education, I tried working as a contractor, but the contracts keep turning into full time positions which I can’t keep up with so I have to decline the positions and then the contract gets terminated.” – Anonymous

“I used to love my work so much. And I got conscripted into this role of advocating for my kids and it stole my capacity to care about work anymore. Now I just feel like I’m in this weird limbo zone, where I still hope that one day I’ll like my work again. Watching your children be hurt over and over is a kind of torture that steals so much from you.” – Anonymous

“I work as an EA in the same district as my child and am constantly getting phone calls to pick them up early. I have only been able to work part-time for the last 3+ years. I’ve already taken a 5 month medical leave due to the stress and how it affects my mental health. My 8 year old was suspended twice in the first month of school due to extreme dysregulation, and lack of adequately trained support. We had to pull them out of their school and switch to a different school that offers a hybrid program of part in-school and part home learning. I couldn’t return full-time if I wanted as I’m home schooling my child on my days ‘off’.” – Anonymous

“I’m a single mom of two wonderful autistic kiddos. I am a professional with a degree. I used to work in healthcare and the school system. Initially I had to go down to part time (about 10 years ago) due to my kids needs and the lack of support (and lack of diagnosis, which took advocating and then years of waitlist to get). I went off on stress leave multiple times, even working half time, due to my kids unmet needs and regular calls from the school for another meeting or to pick them up early (again) or similar. I spent so much time, energy, etc., advocating, attending meetings, responding to emails, driving to therapy appointments, begging for supports that never came. I watched my eldest love school for the first 2 years become someone who hated it, was bullied, and was blamed for his struggles. Both kids were often sent home or told not to attend. All of this was “unofficial” suspension and we received no schooling support while we were off (with the longest stretch being 4 consecutive months off). My kids and I were well and truly burnt out dealing with all of these challenges.I ended up on LTD with extreme burnout, and my kids were similarly exhausted (and demonstrated more and more negative consequences…including self harming). I dont know what to do. I want to return to work, but don’t how to without sacrficing all of our mental health. Even part time work is daunting (and I burnt out on half time before). As a single parent this has been economically devastating. Not only am I missing out on wages I could be earning, but I’m also missing out on pension contributions or other ways to save. Retirement is looking bleak, and my kids are likely to need support longer than typically developing kids. Proper support would be life changing.” – Anonymous

“We have been on the Supported Child Development Waitlist for almost 8 years. Without SCD support, I would have to pay regular daycare fees (fine) plus hire my own support worker (or two, if daycare requires 1:1 as I have two children with support needs) at a rate of $30-45 per HOUR. Obviously this isn’t feasible. Because we cannot access any childcare, I had to quit my job after maternity leave in 2019 and have been freelancing ever since. My income is unpredictable, stressful with the ever changing economy, contractor based with no security or benefits, and I work 7 days a week, including at night. The impact of this on our family is immense: negative health effects for me physically and mentally, lost income and career advancement, and ever present stress on affording basic bills, yet earn too much to qualify for any help. I don’t even feel like a citizen of this country anymore.” – Anonymous

At first I passed up leadership opportunities in public health. Then I went down to 0.8FTE to avoid total burnout given all the coregulation my eldest required. We had to join distributed learning when kiddo’s nervous system could not tolerate bricks and mortar. Now working 0.8FTE, online schooling one (which means mostly I am the teacher or my partner or I are hiring people, scheduling people, driving kiddo places) and kiddo is only 8 so we’re in the ‘light years’. If I didn’t have a flexible workplace, this would not happen. I would lose pensionable years, health benefits. I am terrified this will all take a toll on me and burn me out then I’m no good to anyone. I am not being offered career level up opportunities which also gets at me sometimes but I know I simply cannot take a job with more responsibility – I am already so responsible for everything at home. Oh, second child has a significant feeding issue that also makes life hard. Not sure how long this precarious balance of it all will hold. Feeling my privilege to be able to continue work but I do so because there really is not other viable way. Reading the stories here makes me feel very very heavy about it all. Compassion for all who have shared and aware that the financial stress, the daily responsibility, the grief …we all carry is so very significant. And of course we love our kids and will always do the best we can. But it will hard us one way or another over time because it’s all too much. – Anonymous

“I had to quit my work due to my child not being supported. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown trying to advocate and explain things to the school. I was burnt out and couldn’t pretend any more at work I was functioning. There was a significant delay in internal assessments within the school. Later, we found out through a psych-assessment, not provided by the school, that he had common learning disabilities that the teachers weren’t able to recognize. Advocacy became my profession. On stand-by. We lost 6 years of a salary before I was able to return to full-time work.” – Anonymous

**************

This is the same story, told so many times. The education system knows this story. And yet nothing changes—and now, instead of fixing what is broken, we are facing cutbacks. We can’t take anymore. Many of us are already drowning.

We want to be a fair and just society where people have the same opportunities. The government talk about historic investments in education, but those investments have not reached the children who need support most. They have not reached the mothers who have been forced out of their careers. They have not created the inclusive classrooms that would allow families to survive without choosing between income and survival. And ending up with barely any income and barely surviving.

And to add, this is happening “…many BC public school districts are underspending the Inclusive Education budgets that are approved by trustees” – BLOG:  An Open Letter to Trustees and Advocates in the BC Public School System in Advance of the Upcoming Budget Season

So much more is needed for there to be real gender equity in BC. So much more is needed for there to be real inclusion in our schools. Until the government funds and school districts distribute what is required, until schools stop pushing children out, until mothers can work without being called to pick up their struggling child for the third time that week—this pattern will continue. The same story, told again and again, while the people with the power to change it look away.

We need people speaking up. The work can’t just fall on our shoulders when our resources are so depleted and so many of us are just struggling to keep our families barely afloat.

BLOG:  Year in Review – A Collective Scream

BLOG: Is this Systemic Oppression or Systemic Abuse?

BLOG: Failure by Design – School Start up

BLOG: EAs Are Essential for Equitable Education

BLOG: Scarcity in Education = Harmful Work & Learning Environments